What Zodiac Sign Is Responsible for My Inability to Function? (An Aquarius Investigation Featuring Mercury Retrograde as the Villain)
As an Aquarius, I would first like to state for the record that I do not “believe” in astrology in a blind, unquestioning way — I simply observe its suspiciously accurate pattern recognition while maintaining intellectual superiority about it. That being said, when I find myself staring at an unopened email for three business days, starting six new ideas at 2 a.m., or detaching emotionally mid-conversation because feelings are suddenly “inefficient,” I have to ask the obvious question: is this self-sabotage, unresolved conditioning, or am I just being aggressively Aquarian? Because if there is a sign known for visionary thinking paired with chaotic execution and emotional aloofness disguised as independence, it is unfortunately mine. Aquarius is often described as innovative, independent, humanitarian, and “ahead of their time,” which sounds flattering until you realize it also translates to “chronically overstimulated by their own thoughts” and “allergic to being told what to do...
