How I Learned to Stop Apologizing for Taking Up Space
For most of my life, “sorry” functioned less as an apology and more as social armor — a reflexive cushioning device I deployed before anyone could decide I was inconvenient. I apologized for speaking too passionately, for asking follow-up questions, for not replying fast enough, for replying too fast, for expressing discomfort, for expressing ambition, for existing in a way that occupied visible square footage in a room. I would begin emails with “Sorry to bother you,” as if my presence in someone’s inbox required formal atonement, and I would preface opinions with “This might be stupid, but…” as though I needed to lower expectations before daring to think out loud. The habit felt polite, even virtuous, because it signaled humility and emotional awareness, but over time I realized it was also quietly eroding my sense of entitlement to exist without constant justification. When I started paying attention, I noticed that my over-apologizing wasn’t random — it followed predictable p...
