Dear Diary, I Said “No” Today… And Now I Think I’m Gonna Throw Up

 Dear Diary,

Something terrifying happened today. No, I didn’t get chased by a bear. No, I didn’t accidentally send a text to the wrong group chat (though let’s be real, that’s its own kind of horror).

I said NO.

And now, I’m pacing my apartment like I just committed a federal crime, waiting for my phone to ring with an official notice that I’ve been removed from the list of “Nice and Decent Human Beings.” My stomach is in knots, my palms are sweaty (knees weak, arms heavy, there’s vomit on my sweater already—oh wait, that’s just coffee stains).

Because saying no? Unacceptable. Outrageous. Who do I think I am, a person with boundaries?

Right now, my brain is in full-blown crisis mode:

• What if they’re mad at me?
• What if they never talk to me again?
• What if they’re currently forming an anti-me club and getting matching jackets??

And yet… despite all of this, I did it. And dear diary, I think I just unlocked a whole new level of self-respect.

Step 1: Identifying the Problem – Why Am I Like This?

Let’s be honest: Saying no should be easy. Simple. Like breathing. Like my cat Mochi effortlessly rejecting my love 90% of the time.

But for me? Saying no feels like personally announcing, “Hi, I hate you and I want you to suffer.”

Why is this? Why do some of us act like declining an invite or a request is the equivalent of breaking someone’s heart?

The answer: People-pleasing syndrome.

Somewhere along the way, I absorbed the idea that saying no = disappointing people, and disappointing people = becoming the villain in my own story. And that, dear readers, is how I ended up exhausted, overcommitted, and one favor away from faking my own disappearance and moving to a remote cabin in the woods.

Step 2: The Crime Scene – My First “No” in the Wild

Let’s take a moment to analyze the exact moment I committed this unspeakable act.

It started with a simple text:

Friend: “Hey, can you help me move this weekend?”

Now, let’s break this down:

• Moving?
• On a weekend?
• Which means I would be carrying furniture?
• With my own two arms??

I think not.

Every fiber of my being wanted to say, “Of course! I love breaking my back for free!” But instead, I typed:

“Oh, I can’t this weekend! Hope the move goes well though!”

And then—dear diary, brace yourself—I HIT SEND.

Step 3: The Immediate Guilt Spiral

The second my phone dinged with the sent message, my anxiety kicked in like an uninvited guest.

• Was I too blunt?
• Should I have added a softer excuse?
• Should I have offered to help next time?? (Even though I know I wouldn’t want to??)

I started to type “But let me know if you still need anything!!”—but I deleted it. Because that, my friends, would be backtracking. And today, we are learning how to STICK TO OUR NOs.

Meanwhile, Mochi stared at me from his throne (the unfolded laundry pile), completely unbothered. Because, unlike me, he does not suffer from chronic guilt disorder.

Step 4: Lessons From Mochi – The Boundary-Setting King

If Mochi doesn’t want to do something, he doesn’t do it. End of discussion.

• If I try to pick him up? NOPE.
• If I put food in his bowl and he decides it’s beneath him? NOPE.
• If I need my laptop but he has claimed it as his personal heated throne? TOO BAD FOR ME.

Does he feel guilty? No.
Does he overthink his decision? No.
Does he still get fed, adored, and worshipped like the king he is? Absolutely.

Mochi is my new life coach.

Step 5: The Secret to Saying No Without Spiraling

Okay, now that I’ve had my existential crisis, here’s what I’ve learned about saying no without feeling like an absolute monster.

1. “No” Is a Full Sentence (Say It With Me)

When I said “I can’t this weekend,” that should have been the end of the conversation. I didn’t need to add:

• “But I feel so bad!”
• “Maybe I can next time!”
• “I hope you still like me!!”

No. Full stop. End scene. Let’s roll the credits.

2. Resist the Urge to Over-Explain

The guilt made me want to give an entire PowerPoint presentation on why I couldn’t help. But the truth is:
✅ I don’t need to justify myself.
✅ People don’t need to know my full schedule.
✅ If someone requires a detailed essay on why I said no, that’s their issue, not mine.

3. Sit With the Awkward Silence

When I said no, my friend took a moment to reply. In that pause, my brain PANICKED.

But here’s the thing: The silence is not my problem. I do not need to jump in with “Actually, never mind! I can help!” just because I feel uncomfortable.

4. Ask Yourself: Would You Be Mad If the Roles Were Reversed?

If my friend had said no to me, would I suddenly decide they’re a terrible person? NO. So why do I assume everyone else is that dramatic?

5. Accept That Other People’s Disappointment Is Not Your Responsibility

If someone gets mad at me for having boundaries, that is a them problem. Not a me problem.

Step 6: We’re Learning, Okay?

So, dear diary, today was a win. I said no. I didn’t implode. My friend didn’t write me out of their will.

Will I still overthink it at 2 A.M.? Probably.
Will I keep practicing saying no until it no longer makes me sweat? Absolutely.

And if all else fails, I’ll just ask myself:
What would Mochi do? 😌

If You’re Also Struggling With Saying No… Let’s Chat!

💬 Drop a comment: What’s the hardest thing for YOU to say no to?
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