Dear Miss Storybelle

  'Dear Miss Storybelle,

I just got hit with an unexpected bill and had to Google “how to sell a kidney legally.” Please tell me this gets easier.' — Financially Flustered

Dear Financially Flustered,

Ah, yes. The dreaded *“surprise” bill—*which, let’s be honest, is never actually a surprise because adulthood is basically just a long game of Whack-a-Mole: one bill pops up, you scramble to handle it, and then another one shows up, laughing in your face.

Just when you think you’re financially stable, life hits you with:

• A flat tire.

• A pet with bougie medical needs.

• A tooth that randomly decides it’s time to break.

• A bill that you swear you already paid but apparently didn’t.

• A mysterious charge labeled “Service Fee” (service for what? Emotional damage??).

So, does it get easier? Kind of. But only because you get better at expecting the unexpected and figuring out how to financially scramble without immediately considering organ donation.

Here’s how we cope:

Step 1: The “Oh Crap” Fund

Let’s be real: calling it an emergency fund sounds responsible, but an “Oh Crap” fund? That’s more honest.

This is just money you shove into a separate savings account (or a high-security sock drawer) for those moments when life rudely hands you a bill you were not emotionally or financially prepared for.

'But Miss Storybelle, I have no extra money to save.'

Valid. Here’s how you sneakily trick yourself into building a little cushion:

 The Round-Up Trick – Apps like Acorns or banking features that round up purchases to the nearest dollar and throw the extra change into savings. Small but sneaky.

 The Forgotten Five – Every time you get paid, move $5 to savings. It’s like tipping Future You for dealing with this nonsense.

 The Fake Bill Method – Treat savings like a bill. Set up an auto-transfer to move a little bit of money out of your checking account before you see it and decide to DoorDash sushi instead.

Even if you only save enough to cover one surprise bill, that’s already progress.

Step 2: Learn to Speak Fluent ‘Financial Panic’

Adulthood comes with an entire language of confusing money terms like deductibles, interest rates, and amortization (???). If you don’t know what those mean, don’t worry—none of us did at first. The trick is pretending you do while aggressively Googling on the side.

Financial survival skills include:

 ❤Knowing which bills are negotiable – Some things (rent, taxes, your student loans) will hunt you down. Others (internet, insurance, medical bills) can sometimes be negotiated. Call, be polite, and say, “Is there a discount or lower plan available?” Worst case, they say no. Best case, you pay less and feel like a financial genius.

❤ Understanding “due dates” are more like “suggestions” – Not for everything (IRS, I am NOT talking about you), but some companies offer grace periods. If you can’t pay on time, call and ask, “Is there a late fee, or can I get an extension?” You’d be surprised how often they say yes.

 ❤Pretending to understand taxes until one day you actually do – Did I personally cry the first time I did my taxes? Yes. Did I consider fleeing to a country where taxes are simpler? Also yes. But eventually, you get the hang of it. Just remember:

• The IRS does not care about your feelings.

• There’s probably a deduction you’re missing.

• If all else fails, hire someone smarter than you.

Step 3: Laugh at the Absurdity

Adulthood is financially unhinged, and the only way to survive is to find the humor in it.

For example:

• If you’ve ever looked at your paycheck and thought, “Who’s FICA, and why are they stealing from me?”—welcome to adulthood.

• If you’ve ever considered selling plasma because your car suddenly needed $700 worth of repairs—also welcome.

• If you’ve ever thought, “Maybe I could just live in a van?”—trust me, we’ve all been there.

It’s all ridiculous. We’re out here paying money just to exist, and somehow, we’re supposed to budget for joy on top of survival? Absurd. But if you can laugh about it, you can handle it.

Here’s the truth: one day, you’ll get a bill that isn’t a complete surprise, and that’s called progress. You’ll still get hit with unexpected expenses, but you’ll also start having systems, savings, and sneaky money tricks to soften the blow.

Until then, hang in there, Flustered. And if you do end up selling a kidney, at least charge premium rates.

Sending you financially responsible vibes,

Miss Storybelle💝