Valentine’s Day: When Love Feels Like a Capitalist Scam and a Personal Attack (With Tips and Tricks)
Ah, Valentine’s Day—the one day a year where being single feels like a crime, being in a relationship feels like an exam you forgot to study for, and capitalism is at its most romantic. If you, like me, are a young adult just trying to survive life without having a breakdown in the grocery store aisle (again), then buckle up, because we’re about to rip this overhyped, anxiety-inducing, red-and-pink monstrosity to shreds.
Love is great. But forced love with a side of social pressure, overpriced flowers, and unrealistic expectations? Hard pass.
Let’s get into it.
10 Reasons Why I Hate Valentine’s Day (Even Though I Am in a Relationship)
Yes, even those of us who are technically in love can see through this heart-shaped charade. Here’s why:
The Gift-Giving Olympics – Suddenly, my love is being measured by how much I spend? If my partner doesn’t cry tears of joy upon unwrapping my gift, have I failed? Is this emotional capitalism?
Dinner Reservations Are a War Zone – Nothing says “romance” like fighting for a table at a crowded restaurant, listening to three other couples awkwardly propose while trying to eat your overpriced, mediocre pasta.
The Existential Relationship Review – Valentine’s Day turns into a full-on performance review. “Are we happy enough? Romantic enough? Instagrammable enough??”
Everything is Overpriced – Flowers? Triple the price. Chocolates? Sold out. Cute plushies? Gone. The capitalism of it all makes me wanna scream.
The Fake Affection from Couples Who Usually Fight – We all know that couple who screamed at each other yesterday but today they’re posting paragraphs about how they found their “soulmate.” Babe, blink twice if you need help.
The Single Shaming – As if being single isn’t already exhausting, society decides to make it everyone’s business. “Aww, you’ll find someone!” Maybe I don’t want to. Maybe I just want my cat and my Netflix.
The Unnecessary Pressure – It’s like Valentine’s Day exists solely to make people feel inadequate. Single? You should be in love. In love? You should be doing more. Can we not?
Tacky Decor Everywhere – Everything looks like Cupid threw up in a store. Giant teddy bears, glittery pink nonsense, and enough red hearts to trigger a migraine.
The “Perfect” Social Media Couples – News flash: half of them will be broken up by March.
The Post-Valentine’s Day Guilt – Either you feel guilty for spending too much money or guilty for not doing enough. Lose-lose situation.
10 Myths About Valentine’s Day That Need to Die Already
“Valentine’s Day is about love!” – No, it’s about capitalism. The greeting card industry thrives on this nonsense.
“You’ll get engaged if your partner really loves you.” – Or they’ll just wait until March because they don’t want to be predictable.
“Being single on Valentine’s Day is depressing.” – I dunno, Karen, my couch, pizza, and true crime documentaries say otherwise.
“The bigger the gift, the deeper the love.” – Ah yes, nothing says devotion like a $200 heart-shaped necklace from a store that’s about to have a clearance sale.
“You have to celebrate it.” – No, you don’t. You can literally just go about your day like it’s February 14th and not some rom-com fever dream.
“If they don’t post about you, they don’t love you.” – Or maybe they just don’t want to participate in the annual cringe-fest that is Instagram couple posts.
“Love should be celebrated on this day.” – Love should be celebrated whenever you feel like it, not because Hallmark said so.
“Men don’t care about Valentine’s Day.” – Until they realize they forgot to buy a gift.
“You should be sad if you’re alone.” – No, you should be relieved you don’t have to spend money or deal with someone else’s emotional needs today.
“Valentine’s Day is romantic.” – If by “romantic,” you mean stress-inducing, financially draining, and a competitive sport, then sure.
10 Tips to Survive This Scam of a Holiday
Ignore it completely – Treat February 14th like just another Wednesday. Because it is.
Treat Yourself – Buy yourself chocolates, flowers, or literally anything you like. Because you deserve it.
Avoid Social Media – Trust me, the staged couple posts will only make you want to throw your phone out the window.
Host an Anti-Valentine’s Party – Watch horror movies, make fun of rom-coms, eat heart-shaped cookies out of spite.
Wear Black – Be dramatic. Mourn the death of your patience for this holiday.
Remind Yourself That This Is All a Scam – Seriously, a billion-dollar scam designed to make us spend money. Resist!
Do Something You Love – Whether it’s gaming, painting, baking, or napping (a personal favorite), make the day about you.
Laugh at the Cringe – Go to a fancy restaurant and watch awkward first dates unfold. Entertainment and a meal.
Celebrate Discount Chocolate Day Instead – February 15th? Now that’s a real holiday.
Remember: Love Is Year-Round – Whether you’re single or taken, love isn’t defined by a single day. And if it is, run.
Look, if you genuinely love Valentine’s Day, good for you. But for the rest of us emotionally drained, financially struggling, existentially confused young adults? This day is just another reminder that we’re all faking it till we make it.
So whether you’re crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s, fake-smiling at an overpriced dinner, or vibing in blissful ignorance—just know you’re not alone.
Okay, fine. I’ve spent the last thousand words dragging Valentine’s Day through the mud, and yet… deep down, in the most unhinged, emotionally conflicted part of my soul, I have to admit something:
I kind of love it.
I KNOW. I KNOW. I AM A HYPOCRITE. Let me explain before you revoke my Hot Mess Express membership card.
1. The Excuse to Eat Chocolate Like It’s My Full-Time Job
Listen. If capitalism is going to exploit me, I am going to exploit it right back. This is the one day where I can buy an entire box of overpriced chocolates and eat them in one sitting without judgment. It’s self-care, okay?
Last year, I bought myself a luxury box of truffles, and let me tell you—it was a religious experience. One bite and suddenly, I wasn’t just an emotionally exhausted twenty-something—I was a Goddess of Decadence and Indulgence.
Would I have spent $35 on fancy chocolate on a random Tuesday? No. But on Valentine’s Day? Absolutely.
2. The Aesthetic Is Unhinged and I Respect That
Let’s be real—Valentine’s Day goes HARD on the aesthetics. Red, pink, glitter, tacky hearts everywhere—it’s the Lisa Frank fever dream of holidays, and honestly? I respect the commitment.
Sure, it looks like Cupid and a Party City exploded in every store, but there’s something comforting about the sheer audacity of it. I walk into Target, see an aisle dedicated to nothing but stuffed bears the size of small horses, and I think: Yes. Humanity is doomed, but at least we have vibes.
3. The Drama of It All
Valentine’s Day is peak entertainment. If you sit quietly in a public place long enough, you will witness at least one of the following:
- An awkward first date that is not going well.
- A couple having a silent but very aggressive fight over expectations.
- Someone getting dumped at dinner (I have seen this twice and it was life-changing).
Valentine’s Day is a reality show in real-time, and I, for one, am grateful for the content.
4. The Fake Excuse to Be Extra Romantic
Okay, yes, love should be celebrated every day. But let’s be honest: we don’t always do that.
Half the time, being in a relationship means sitting on the couch, scrolling on our phones in comfortable silence, occasionally looking up to ask, “Do we have snacks?”
So sometimes, it’s nice to have a forced excuse to do something cute. Whether it’s writing an unnecessary love note (which, let’s be real, will just become emotional blackmail material for future arguments) or going on a Pinterest-worthy date, the cheesiness of it all is kind of fun.
Plus, it’s the one day where I can be unreasonably dramatic and say things like, “I LOVE YOU MORE THAN LIFE ITSELF” without getting side-eyed. And you know what? I love that for me.
5. The Day After: Discount Chocolate Day
I don’t think I need to elaborate here.
So, do I hate Valentine’s Day? Yes.
Do I love Valentine’s Day? Also yes.
I contain multitudes.
At the end of the day, this holiday is both a capitalist scam and a hilarious excuse to eat chocolate, watch public drama unfold, and wear obnoxious colors with reckless abandon. And honestly? That’s a vibe.
So whether you’re celebrating love, indulging in petty hatred for this holiday, or just waiting for the candy sales tomorrow—I support you.
💖 Happy Whatever. 💖
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