Dear Miss Storybelle: How Do I Stop Comparing Myself to Everyone?

 Dear Miss Storybelle,

I feel like everyone else is sprinting through life while I’m stuck tying my shoelaces with shaking hands and the deep suspicion that I’ve already messed it up beyond repair. Everywhere I look, someone my age is achieving something monumental: career milestones, relationships, glowing skin, inner peace, and I’m over here celebrating the fact that I answered one email without crying. How do I stop comparing myself to everyone and feeling like I’m constantly behind? 

- signed, Unwell But Self-Aware

Dear Unwell But Self-Aware,

First of all, let’s clear something up immediately: comparison is not a personal failure, it’s a side effect of having eyeballs and an internet connection. You are not weak or shallow or secretly awful for noticing that other people seem to be doing better than you. Your brain is simply doing what it was designed to do: observe patterns, seek safety, and occasionally spiral for no reason at all while you’re just trying to scroll in peace.

The real issue isn’t that you’re comparing yourself; it’s what you’re comparing. You’re stacking your internal chaos, your doubts, your unfiltered 2 a.m. thoughts against someone else’s curated highlight reel, and then wondering why the math isn’t mathing. You’re comparing your raw, behind-the-scenes footage to someone else’s final edit, complete with good lighting and a confidence they probably borrowed for the photo.

Also (and this part stings a little) comparison tends to flare up when we’re disconnected from ourselves. When you don’t feel grounded in your own life, your own values, your own pace, it becomes very easy to look sideways and assume everyone else got a map. Spoiler alert: they didn’t. They’re just walking with more confidence or louder footsteps, and confidence is not proof of certainty, it’s often just excellent bluffing.

You don’t stop comparing by shaming yourself into gratitude or repeating affirmations you don’t believe while staring into the mirror like you’re in a low-budget self-help montage. You stop comparing by coming back to yourself. By asking what you want, what you need, what pace feels sustainable instead of impressive. Comparison loses its grip when your life starts to feel like it belongs to you again.

And let’s talk about timelines, because they are the biggest lie we collectively agreed to believe without reading the fine print. There is no universal schedule for happiness, success, love, or having your shit together. There is no age by which you should feel certain or accomplished or serene. Life is not late just because it doesn’t look like someone else’s.

So here’s the truth, Unwell But Self-Aware: you don’t need to catch up, measure up, or prove anything. You are not behind, you are becoming. And becoming is messy and slow and deeply unphotogenic. But it’s also real. And real beats perfect every single time, even if it doesn’t always trend well on social media.

-signed, Miss Storybelle