10 Things No One Told Me About Being an Adult (And I Feel Betrayed)

    Dear Diary,

    I would like a refund on adulthood. No, seriously. Where is HR for life? Because this is NOT what I signed up for. I thought being an adult meant having my own apartment, drinking overpriced coffee, and thriving. Turns out, it’s mostly just stress, bills, and wondering if I remembered to turn off the stove.

    Here are 10 things no one warned me about before I signed my life contract:

    1. No One Knows What They’re Doing. Not Even the Adults.

    As a child, I had so much faith in adults. I thought they had it all figured out—they knew how to pay taxes, how mortgages worked, and how to change the oil in their car.

    I  WAS LIED TO.

    Now that I’m an adult, I realize that everyone is just winging it, hoping for the best, and Googling things like ‘how to know if chicken is bad’ every single day.

    The other day, I asked my boss a question, and instead of a confident answer, he said, "Great question! Let's circle back on that." Sir. That means you don't know either.

    So, if you feel like a fraud in this whole “adult” thing, congratulations—you’re doing it right.

    2. Sleep is a Luxury, Not a Right.

    Remember when bedtime was a punishment? When we’d fight to stay up longer, convinced we were missing out on something magical? Jokes on us. Now sleep is the most valuable thing in the world.

    I’d give up my entire weekend plans if it meant getting a full eight hours. But does that ever happen? No. Instead, I stay up watching "just one more" episode of a show I don’t even care about, and then complain the next morning that I’m exhausted.

    And naps? Absolutely undefeated. But also, extremely risky. A 20-minute nap is refreshing. A three-hour nap? Congratulations, it is now 9 PM, you are confused, and you have ruined your sleep schedule forever.

    3. Making Friends as an Adult is Like Dating, But Worse.

    “Hey, I noticed we both like coffee and overthinking. Want to be best friends forever?” Yeah, that doesn’t work. But most of the time, it’s a nightmare. Finding a new best friend in adulthood is like dating, except you don’t even get a free meal out of it. You just exchange numbers and say “Let’s grab coffee sometime!” knowing full well you’ll never actually plan it. Making new friends requires effort, and honestly, I’m too tired for that.

    4. You Will Never Be ‘Caught Up’ on Laundry.

    It’s a never-ending cycle. You think you’re done, and then BAM—more clothes. I suspect my laundry pile is sentient and reproducing. Every Sunday, I tell myself, “I am going to wash EVERYTHING. I will start the week fresh. I am a responsible adult.” Every Sunday night, I look at my unfolded laundry pile and think, "That’s a problem for future me." Future me hates me.

    Laundry never ends. Just when you think you’re done? More clothes appear out of nowhere. I am convinced that my socks are having secret laundry room affairs.

    And folding? Who even has the energy? My “clean laundry” lives in the basket until I wear it again.

    5. Cooking Every Day is a Scam.

    As a kid, I assumed dinner just… appeared? Turns out, someone has to cook it. Every. Single. Day. The real scam is that we have to decide what to eat every day forever.  I don’t know how my ancestors survived without takeout apps.

    Every night, I stare into my fridge, hoping the contents will inspire me. Instead, I find:

•     A half-empty ketchup bottle 
•     Cheese that is either aged or expired (unclear) 
•     Eggs I am too scared to check the expiration date on

    So I order takeout and tell myself “I’ll cook tomorrow.” Spoiler: I won’t.

    6. Taxes. Just… Taxes.

    Who let me sign legal documents at 18 without a warning that April would become my personal horror movie? No one warned me that one wrong calculation could mean financial ruin. And the forms? Pure chaos. The government is like,

    “You owe us money, but we won’t tell you how much. Guess wrong, and you go to jail.” 

    Ma’am??

    7. Your Back Will Start Hurting for No Reason.

    I bent down to pick up a sock yesterday and pulled a muscle I didn’t even know existed. I’m 26, not 86, but my spine disagrees. II sleep wrong? My neck is broken for three days. I sit for too long? I sound like a glow stick snapping when I stand up. I exist? Pain. At this point, I need a chiropractor and a priest.

    8. Grocery Shopping is Just Paying to Be Sad.

    I go in for “just a few things,” leave with $100 missing from my bank account and nothing that qualifies as a meal. Every time I go grocery shopping, I have a very simple plan: 

•     Buy ingredients for actual meals 
•     Stick to a budget. 

    Every time, I fail spectacularly. I go in for "just a few things." I leave with:

• A plant I didn’t need
• Three types of cheese
• No actual food that makes a meal
• A sense of deep regret

    Where does my money go? I don’t know. All I know is by the time I get home, I’m too tired to cook, so I order takeout anyway.

    9. Being an Adult is 50% Cleaning and 50% Saying ‘I’ll Clean Later.’

    The floor is 10% carpet and 90% “clothes I might wear again.” The dishes? I’ll do them tomorrow. Maybe. Adulthood is just moving messes from one place to another and calling it "cleaning."

    10. No One Ever Feels Like a ‘Real’ Adult.

    I keep waiting for a moment where I suddenly get adulthood, but I think the truth is—no one ever does. We’re all just winging it and hoping for the best.

    So, if you’re feeling like a fraud in this whole “adult” thing, don’t worry. We all are. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go stare at my fridge and order takeout again.

Until next time, fellow hot messes. 💖