Mochi Moments: A Cat’s Therapy Session (aka: My Human is a Disaster, and I Have Notes)

     Dear Readers,

    Hello, peasants. It is I, Mochi, the superior life form in this household. Today, I am taking over the blog to discuss a deeply traumatic event in my life.

    I was rudely placed into the carrier against my will. Betrayal. Absolute betrayal. My human said something about “going to the vet”, which I assume is human for “I hate you and wish to ruin your entire existence”.

    I screamed. A lot. Did it help? No. But did it make my point? Absolutely.

    Upon arrival, I was placed on a cold, metal table while a stranger in blue poked and prodded me. I tried to defend myself with my signature death glare, but the betrayal continued. The vet asked my human:

    “So, what brings Mochi in today?”

    WHAT BRINGS ME IN???

    Ma’am. I am a victim. I was dragged here against my will! If anything, I should be suing.

    But my human? She just LAUGHS and says:

    “Oh, just a checkup! And maybe some advice on his anxiety.”

    Excuse me???

    MY anxiety??

    I am a picture of mental stability. It is my human who should be evaluated! She’s the one who stares at a screen all day muttering about “deadlines” while drinking suspicious amounts of caffeine. I am simply responding appropriately to a world full of horrors (such as loud noises and the vacuum cleaner).

    The vet nods knowingly, as if they understand. They do not. I hiss to establish dominance. They ignore me.

    Then comes the worst part. They hold me and start whispering things about “weight management”. Unbelievable. I am not fat—I am well-rounded. I have the body of a Greek statue. I am magnificent.

    Finally, after what feels like three lifetimes, the torture ends. My human shoves me back into the carrier. I let out one final, sorrowful wail for dramatic effect.

    Back home, I am offered a treat as a pathetic attempt at forgiveness. I eat it, obviously. But I make direct, unblinking eye contact to remind my human that this offense will never be forgotten.

    Now, I must go. I have a box to sit in and an important nap scheduled. But remember this, dear readers: if your human ever says “let’s go for a checkup”, run. Run as fast as your paws can take you.

    Stay vigilant,

    Mochi, Supreme Ruler of the Apartment